How's life on the other side of the bridge ?

“There is no more lovely, friendly and charming relationship, communion or company than a good marriage”.. so said Martin Luther King once.

Today marks the completion of 2 years that Sharif and I are joined in holy marriage. And I thought I ‘ll share some li’l things which could make a great relationship of matrimony work… Don’t judge, Read this only if you are interested to get some cool tips.. Judges, please KEEP OUT !!!

1.       Being the first point, this ought to be something really important. OK. Take this.. this is something  I never get bored of telling .. Appreciate the day.. You never know what is in store for you tomorrow. So, appreciate what you have today and be thankful to your Creator for all the positive things in your Married life today.. wait, let’s talk about the negative things later.. :-) and YES, even count a smile from your partner to that positive lot.
2.       At least some of you might think that love and care are the most important ingredients of a happy Married Life recipe. But I would correct it as Mutual respect and Trust. Yes. You have to show your partner that you respect him/her. If you develop that attitude, you will have countless opportunities to display that which will strengthen your bond. And Trust your partner. Trust is an advanced level of Love. I would say, these two are the backbone of a strong relationship.
3.       FIGHTS are an integral part of married life.. Any married life would be, I would say, imperfect without fights. Just imagine, singing “Raja ko Rani se pyar ho gaya” everyday ! It is so not practical.. So, when it comes to fights, settle the fight by EOM (I made this acronym up just now ! let’s say, End of Married Day.. ha haa.. typical s/w pro isn’t it? ). The day(s) that you carry over a fight is inversely proportional to the chances of forgiving the root cause of the fight. So, talk, shout, yell..  do whatever it takes to settle the fight the same day.. and Move on.. Don’t allow to grow it in your mind even without you realizing it and later burst out as Cancer.
4.       I read somewhere when I was a kid, “How you leave your bathroom to your partner can tell you how much they respect each other”. I back it 100%. So, make sure you leave the bathroom presentable to your partner and show that he/she matters to you.  
5.       This is exclusive for ladies. “The way to a man’s heart is through his stomach”… even though it is a cliché, I would replace ‘The’ with ‘One’ and shh.. trust me, it works ! So, get some cooking tips once in a while :-)..  You can do this one alone behind his back !!
6.       ‘Blame’ tone is a killer. No human being in this world is perfect ! at least Gandhi and Mother Teresa weren’t. So always expect imperfections from your partner. And when it comes to these imperfections, tell your partner in a suggestive tone. Never ever use the ‘ Blame’ tone. No normal person will like to get blamed.
7.       When it comes to doing household chores, you can enjoy them if you do them together. Remember, when you signed up for Marriage, you did say ‘I will Share my life with my partner’. So share everything !
8.       Finance is like the nervous system of Married Life. Talk your financial plans out loud with your partner. Have a healthy discussion regarding your financial goals and plans frequently. That is better than having to face an awkward moment “Where did the 20K go ?.. I never saw that coming.. ”
9.       This one, I got from one of my close friend even before our marriage (Thanks dear for this wonderful tip). Get rid of “I” s and “YOU”s from your vocab.. You would be so much used to that in the premarital life. Welcome to the “WE”s. I mean it. Try practicing if you think it is silly !
10.   Never think of “changing” your partner. He or she came from a different womb, with different set of DNA and different living conditions.. So get ready to be surprised of accepting a different set of human persona. Don’t make yourself a fool by trying to change that.

If you want to experiment if any of the above tips work, just do the opposite and see the results !! Guys, I have to go now. Time to pick up the next fight with Sharif ! he hee… J/k .. Wish you all a Cool Married life ahead… God bless..

Ladies' Compartment

This was written in early 2008. And this is an experience I had during a train journey from Kochi to Calicut. Never got a chance to publish... I thought better late than never... 
-----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------


This is not taken from a chain forward .. this is not a part of a story written … This is
taken from the pages of my life.. my own very experience… I thought I would share with
you because it can influence you.. it can give you a new strength and it can enlighten you
with the thought of how lucky we all are..


Ok… it was a usual Friday and I was much excited about going home and meeting the
sweetest person to me in this world, my mom. Since I didn’t reserve the ticket, I got a
strict instruction from my dad to come in Ladies’ Compartment no matter how packed it
was. And since I reached late to the station, I didn’t get time to search the coach location
of the central LC. So I was forced to get into the last one which would be less than half
the size of a usual coach. And to add to it, it was Onam season. So you can very well
imagine the rush. I managed to push myself into the coach and the shawl of my churidar
was still flying outside like in a Hindi movie( that time, I admired the western dressing
style where the dress will come along with you whereas here, you have to carry all the
extra parts..!! ) My bag was resting safely on the head of a poor girl.. Finally after ten
minutes, I managed to collect my hands and feet and stand properly with the feet firm and
bring the shawl and the bag under control..!!


I had to travel a long five hours to reach Calicut. So I was taking a deep breath of
relief each time the train reached a station. But the funny part was that I could hardly
breathe because every time train stopped at a station, more and more were rushing into it
reminding me of the void theory of physics. At that time, the train reached an unfamiliar
station. And I noticed a fair stout middle-aged lady getting into the coach. She was
wearing a small scarf on her head. With great difficulty, she was trying to stand where
there was literally no space even to rest the feet. From the beginning itself, I noticed a
gesture of grief on her face. Her eyes were wet and her cheeks and lips were almost red. I
saw her sister talking to someone seated and the lady got some place to sit (to me, sitting
was like a luxury dream..!! ) Then a woman got in with a little sweet angel in her hand ( I
love babies.. :-) ). I was miserably standing there hoping badly that I’ll get a seat. Finally
a good old Aunty gave me some 3 inches of space on the edge of the seat. Hooo…!!!
Happy..!! I was sitting (can you call it as sitting ??!!! ) opposite to that lady. Then I
noticed the privileged people sitting along with me in the long seat. I felt like we were
the first-class buddies of Titanic :-) ..


There were four nuns, the good Aunty, the fair sad lady – her name was Usha, the
woman, Soumya with the sweet baby, another aunty called Fathima and some girls who
were wearing glittering outfits ( I guessed they were coming after a dance performance).
Slowly we all started talking and became like a family. You know, women can do
wonders when they are together..!! Aunty was the head of all the talks. Usha started
explaining about her fate when Aunty enquired about why she was wearing a scarf.
She was suffering from cancer. And her head was partially bald because of the frequent
radiations. She could hardly speak because of tears rolling down so easily that it seemed
to me like a practice. She was suffering for more than a year and the doctors told there is
not more than a month for her. NOT MORE THAN A MONTH on this earth..!! I could


feel the shock in her words. Though I have seen such dialogues in movies, it was for the
first time I was getting the real shock of it. She was on the way home to Calicut to see her
children, a boy and a girl. Both were students. The doctor had strictly advised her not to
travel. But she wanted to prepare the last Onasadhya to her children. When she finished
telling that, I could feel the wetness on my cheeks as well. My heart became heavy.


But the coo’s of the baby lightened the scene. She was so sweet and chubby that
everybody there were competing to pamper her. I even envied the mother Soumya for
getting such a wonderful baby. The nuns (they were of my age) took out some biscuits
to give her. One of the nuns, Agnes was so excited that she was holding the baby with
such a huge spirit of love and care. I could feel the excitement. Now, the Aunty was
enquiring the nuns about their life. They told they chose that life out of their own interest.
They would wear the light peach sari and fully covered blouse wherever they go. I asked
them what would they wear when they go for shopping. They told they shop for others
and the only dress they would wear is the peach sari and they have some 3 pairs of it. I
wondered how could any girl of my age live with only three pairs of dress and that too
the same dull peach. The ad of Sheemati-16 plus jus flew through my mind. The Aunty
was so authoritative that she seemed to be deserving respect. She was discussing so
many concerns with the nuns. About the money they make out of teaching, about their
relationship with the home, about their concerns of unfulfilled womanhood and so many
other stuffs. The whole talk sounded interesting to me because I could appreciate all that
I have. They told they would contribute the money to the Sabha, they have not much
relationship with their homes, and they don’t have any desires of marriage, children
or anything like that. Then Aunty looked at Agnes and asked: “Then, why are you so
excited about this baby?” The question was so sudden and unexpected that I was stunned.
The other nuns who were busy feeding the baby with biscuits were also stunned. Agnes
didn’t have any answer. But I could read her silence.


Then again the baby’s giggles turned my attention. I took her in my arms and kissed
on her soft cheeks. She was giving sweet smiles in return. Then the Aunty turned her
attention to Soumya. She didn’t look so happy. She was very gloomy and when the baby
cried, she gave her milk at times without so much of interest. I was asking myself how
could a woman with such a wonderful lovely kid be unhappy. The Aunty could smell
there was something wrong with her. When she asked about that, Soumya burst into tears
and we all managed to console her. Like Usha, even she seemed to be so used to pains.
Then she started sharing her story with us. She had loved a guy and they got married.
Theirs was a wonderful life filled with love and passion and it was a like a dream came
true. She had left her family for him and a few months back the guy left her and he got
married again. She was carrying when he left her. He didn’t even come to see the baby.
Fathima aunty was going to adopt Soumya since she loves babies. The baby was in my
arms when she finished telling the story. I hugged the baby tight and I was struggling to
hide my tears but the pain in my throat was uncontrollable.


Time flew. There was only one hour left to reach Calicut. When the train stopped
at a station, many college girls entered. They were very busy keeping their bags on
the cupboard and finding a place to sit or at least stand properly. Many were pushing


themselves in between the space between the long seats that we were seated. We gave
them space to stand. Then a single glance to the face of the girl who was standing jus in
front of me.. I was extremely scared. I could not take a second glance to her face. She
was a proper girl except for her face. The face was deformed (or molested? I don’t know
how to put it. May be by birth or by an accident) so much that she didn’t have any proper
organs on the face and the whole face was twisted from the center. But she was talking
very happily to her friends about a function they were going to attend and so many other
things. All the previous characters were also shocked to see her and they all became
silent. I thought our Aunty will ask something now. But even she was grief-stricken that
she didn’t feel like asking anything to her. But she was murmuring the concern to us. I
took a second look to her and then I remembered the latest ad of Garnier cream which
will give you shine less shine…!!!


Finally the train was about to reach Calicut and I got up and prepared to alight. I gave a
final kiss to the baby and got one in return. I told Usha Aunty and Soumya not to worry
and to believe that God is the best of all Planners. I told goodbye to the nuns and the
Aunties. The train reached the station and I got down. My dad had come to pick me. He
was asking so many things to me. But I was giving yes-no answers. My heart was really
heavy and I could really feel the pain.


I still remember them in my prayers…


Moral:   There are many who are less privileged than us. Let's be grateful to God for how 
               fortunate we are and learn to appreciate what we have and what we are today.
               That very thought will lead us to happiness and success in life.